The problem is overwhelming. We have avoided it. We have denied
it. We don't want to face it because we feel that we can't. We
may not admit it to ourselves, but deep down we feel that it is all our
fault. Just like the compulsive overeater that needs to lose 100 or more
pounds, we feel that is just too overwhelming to deal with. It is too
hard we feel, so we avoid it and it keeps getting worse. Like the
compulsive spender who now has too much stuff and doesn't know where to put
it. There is too much to deal with. Just cleaning out one room
with too much stuff is overwhelming, and there are too many decisions to
make, so we close the door and we don't deal with it. And it keeps
There is hope. You are not alone and you are
not the first person to struggle through this. There is a path of
healing and many have gone before us. There are steps to healing.
Typically small at first to keep us from getting overwhelmed.
things like opening up a bill or paying a bill on time can be overwhelming.
We have allowed ourselves to be traumatized by the bill collector who just
wants to settle a debt. So, then simple things like a bill that comes
in triggers the same emotional response as a collector on the phone.
We have trouble looking out our bank statements, which we usually do not
reconcile. Many times we were never taught how to handle the finances.
Or we a compulsively going online, checking our bank account just to make
sure something is not going to bounce or come in NSF. It is like a
race horse at times, just to see if the deposit is going to come in before
the mortgage, or whether the 5 checks for little amounts will clear first
before the big one does that wipes out the account so there will be 5 NSF
fees of $39 rather just just one fee. This is so stressful. It
affects our health, our sleep, or relationships with others. It is
subtle, but one doesn't realize it until they have they begin to get recover
and the burden of debt is slowly beginning to lift.
Overcoming the Roadblocks
73% of people seeking help in the counseling office have financial
problems. They do not bring it up many times because there is
too much shame. One accountant said that people will share that they
have a sexual problem before the will admit to money troubles. Why is
So much of our self worth is based on how much money we
make and how we manage it. Most of us has not been taught about how to
make money and how to manage it. We go by what we have learned
vicariously from other. Some of us may have been to seminars or read
books, but why don't we practice the principles. Emotional Roadblocks.
We have learned about money alright. But not formally.
We have learned by our own experience. If this has brought toxic
shame, we may not learn what we need to. - to be
Goodbye to Emotional Spending
One has to get to a place where they understand that this is not problem
with managing money, but it is an emotional problem. It is deeper than
just not doing what we should. We know that we should open the mail
and pay the bills. But we don't. We know we should plan for
retirement and actually set money aside. But we don't. We know
that we could look for a better paying job, or getting a better rate of
interest or better terms on a mortgage, but we avoid doing these things.
We know we should think before we buy and sleep on it. But we
impulsively buy to feel better. This is like an addiction in that we
know it is hurting us, but we are afraid to take steps to solve the issue.
Avoid no longer. Be courageous. We are not going to die if
we look at these things. Tracking expenditures is one of the first
things we do to gain solvency. Being clear, rather than vague helps us
begin to step into the path of solving these problems. - to be